Staying Faithful

The hardest part of walking with God is staying faithful. Walking with God takes a tremendous amount of dedication and faith. To walk with Him when things are tough and you need someone to rely on, trusting that He is there. To walk with Him when things are easier and life is good, rejoicing and sharing in your abundance. 

When things are not so good, when the road ahead seems never ending, is it easier to cry out to God, holding onto Him for your strength? Or is it easier to rely on yourself or your spouse? I find it hard to rely on God in times of need. I often feel like things "aren't that bad" (I mean, I don't have cancer, I'm not starving or homeless) so God has more important things to do than waste His time on me. I feel like I SHOULD be thankful. I SHOULD be praising HIM. I SHOULD be okay in my circumstances. 

And there must be something wrong with me if I'm not. 

Because look at how blessed I am. 

Isn't that the response we often get, though however well-meaning? "Oh honey, but look at how BLESSED you are! Just count your BLESSINGS! Look at how many BLESSINGS God has given you!" And I DO have a lot to be grateful for but that doesn't mean I don't still have pain or worry about the future or want better for my family. It doesn't mean I don't get angry at perceived injustice or depressed that I'm not as good as so-and-so or sad that I don't provide enough. I WANT to rely on God during these times but often I find myself putting distance between that relationship. Why should a Holy God, worry about little ol me? Especially when little ol me is perfectly capable of taking care of herself? Isn't is selfish of me to want God's attention in all that He has blessed me with?

And when things are going well? Imagine those feelings times 10! 

I really think I know the direction God wants me to go in but I don't think I am faithful enough. I don't know why He would call me to do what I think He is calling me to do, knowing how much I struggle with being faithful to Him all the time. I forget to read my bible, or I just intentionally "don't have time." I don't pray or when I do it seems so superficial. I question if God is really pushing me in a particular direction even when He moved me across the country to be able to focus on it. I am a poor example of a Christian woman. I get angry, irritated and have little patience. I know where my "spiritual gifts" are but am too afraid to use them. 

And yet, I take one more step. 

My Journey Through the Law

This is where I am called today. Do I not recognize the significance of what Christ has done for me? Do I not understand, in the comfort of my life, what the punishment for my sins is? 

Sometimes as Americans, I think we deeply miss the higher calling God has placed on us because of our "blessings." We miss the dependence of suffering, the comfort of the hurt, the lifting of the humble, the filling of the empty, the release in forgiveness, the delight in the Holy, the calm in the storm. In essence, we miss seeing God. We don't fully recognize our destitution and need for saving because we don't "need" for so much. 

We often look to outsiders (read: nonbelievers) and can say with certainty who is and is not going to hell. Is that our job? More and more in my short life, I am noticing that the Old Testament was not really a prescription to show others their wrongdoing but for us to see where our issues and shortcomings are. Why do we use God's Word as a weapon? The consistent picture that we are shown is how we are supposed to be the "city on a hill" and the "salt" and "light" of the earth. Are we pulling people to Christ with our actions? Are we showing the world we are different? I think not. 

My desire is to get back to the HEART of the problem. The HEART that is the problem. We often say "let Jesus into your heart" but do we ever let him out? Until I recognize the magnitude of the Holy Sacrifice Jesus made for me, what comes out will not be holy. 

Matthew 5:1-20 ESV

And seeing the multitudes, He went up on a mountain, and when He was seated His disciples came to Him.

Then He opened His mouth and taught them, saying:

"Blessed [are] the poor in spirit, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed [are] those who mourn, For they shall be comforted.

Blessed [are] the meek, For they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed [are] those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, For they shall be filled.

Blessed [are] the merciful, For they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed [are] the pure in heart, For they shall see God.

Blessed [are] the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God.

Blessed [are] those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

"Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake.

"Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great [is] your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

"You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men.

"You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden.

"Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all [who are] in the house.

"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.

"Do not think that I came to destroy the Law or the Prophets. I did not come to destroy but to fulfill.

"For assuredly, I say to you, till heaven and earth pass away, one jot or one tittle will by no means pass from the law till all is fulfilled.

"Whoever therefore breaks one of the least of these commandments, and teaches men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever does and teaches [them], he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.

"For I say to you, that unless your righteousness exceeds [the righteousness] of the scribes and Pharisees, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven."



All those BLESSINGS. You know what I don't see? 

Blessed are those who want for nothing. 
Blessed are those who are comfortable. 
Blessed are those who own the earth.
Blessed are those who have their fill.
Blessed are the ones who don't need anything from anyone.
Blessed are the ones who think they are gods.
Blessed are the ones who fight for what they "need."
Blessed are the ones who are trying to make themselves a heaven on earth. 

It doesn't mean we SHOULDN'T be happy with what we have but I think it's a lot easier to sweep aside God when "He has blessed us with so much (that we really don't need Him anymore.)"

In suffering, we often find Him. We become closer to Him. How do we maintain that closeness when we become less "needy?" This is my goal. In viewing the law that God gave to Moses, I hope to see more clearly what I was saved FROM so I can see what I was saved FOR. A clearer picture of God's plan and design for life.

I would appreciate prayers during this journey.

John 9

I have heard and read this story a few times but it has not made so much sense to me until God opened my eyes to the majesty of Himself in it over the last couple of weeks. This is going to be a long one so grab a cup of coffee/tea and settle in.

     As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” 
Do we not still see this in the church today? Your life is wrong somehow and its because you sinned and God is punishing you. Or we go the full other extreme. God isn't in your life at all, He doesn't care about you so He is letting these things happen to you. Friend, God dearly loves you. No matter your circumstance, what you have gone, will go or are going through, His love for you is amazing and far beyond what we can understand. We attribute His love to a father's love. That is probably the closest we can put into words for our small brains to understand His fullness of love but it still is not fully accurate. Besides the fact that many people in the world do not have a proper father figure to use as an example, our earthly fathers are human. They fail. They are not perfect. He is. And He knows what He is doing for the best benefit of His works and His plan. 

Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him. We must work the works of him who sent me while it is day; night is coming, when no one can work. As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.” Having said these things, he spit on the ground and made mud with the saliva. Then he anointed the man's eyes with the mud and said to him, “Go, wash in the pool of Siloam” (which means Sent). So he went and washed and came back seeing.
This man was born blind, suffered ridicule as one who sinned against God (or who's parents did) and made a mockery of by the Pharisees and teachers. It was common to debate what (sin) caused someones disability but Jesus wasn't focusing on the BLAME. The man didn't sin, neither did his parents-this doesn't mean they weren't SINNERS but that they were not being PUNISHED for their sins by the blindness. The sole purpose of this man's blindness was to be healed by Jesus. To show God's power and be saved. The physical condition was healed. Jesus was sent to make the blind see. In this case physically as well as spiritually. While we are here, our job is to do the work that the Father has for us. Jesus spit on the ground and made mud. Did he have to do it that way? Could he have just said, "Go and see?" Of Course He could have! I see a beautiful picture of the healing that the Lord gives us in this story. We are filthy, covered in mud, with a little Jesus spit mixed in and when we choose to follow (this man could have washed somewhere else or just wiped his face off some other way-he chose to do it) Jesus' way, he says, "Go wash away that filth and be cleaned." And then we are restored, the same way this man had his sight restored. Our brokenness from birth, no matter what it is, RESTORED.
 
    The neighbors and those who had seen him before as a beggar were saying, “Is this not the man who used to sit and beg?” Some said, “It is he.” Others said, “No, but he is like him.” He kept saying, “I am the man.” So they said to him, “Then how were your eyes opened?” He answered, “The man called Jesus made mud and anointed my eyes and said to me, ‘Go to Siloam and wash.’ So I went and washed and received my sight.” They said to him, “Where is he?” He said, “I do not know.”
There is humor in the bible. Picture this: You see a group of people, or maybe you are walking down the street and everyone is talking about this man. They are arguing about whether he is the man that used to be begging, blind since birth or not. Barely able to hear among all the arguing is, "It is me! I am the guy! Guys? Hey, it's ME!" 
Then finally someone turns to him and says, "Oh yeah? Well, how can you see then?" 
"Some guy named Jesus. He spit and made mud and put it on my eyes and told me to go wash it off. Then I could see!" 
"Where is he?" 
"I don't know." 
 I mean, picture that! Friends, family, neighbors, people who have known this guy and/or his family for years. Seen him over and over begging and now all of a sudden he can see. If you know someone who has been supernaturally healed, what was your response? Doubt? Lifting up the doctors instead of the One who truly heals? God is often the last one we respond to in many situations.
 
    They brought to the Pharisees the man who had formerly been blind. Now it was a Sabbath day when Jesus made the mud and opened his eyes. So the Pharisees again asked him how he had received his sight. And he said to them, “He put mud on my eyes, and I washed, and I see.” Some of the Pharisees said, “This man is not from God, for he does not keep the Sabbath.” But others said, “How can a man who is a sinner do such signs?” And there was a division among them. So they said again to the blind man, “What do you say about him, since he has opened your eyes?” He said, “He is a prophet.”
Wherever there was a work of God, the Pharisees where the people to go see. They knew ALL about God, except what really mattered- How to have a relationship with Him. It's interesting to note that Jesus performed this miracle on the Sabbath. This means that this man probably spent an entire night with his family and friends, celebrating! How exciting he must have been to tell the Pharisees what miracle this Jesus had performed. What was their response? "Sorry, Jesus isn't a man of God." WHAT!!??!! But he healed me? What do you mean he isn't from God? How could he do these things if he wasn't? Even the Pharisees were divided. When they asked the man, he knew Jesus had to be a prophet. How could he have healed him if he wasn't a prophet? Imagine being the now-no-longer-blind man. This discussion is happening in front of you.  As we move forward through this, put yourself in the shoes of the man and his parents.
 
    The Jews did not believe that he had been blind and had received his sight, until they called the parents of the man who had received his sight and asked them, “Is this your son, who you say was born blind? How then does he now see?” His parents answered, “We know that this is our son and that he was born blind. But how he now sees we do not know, nor do we know who opened his eyes. Ask him; he is of age. He will speak for himself.” (His parents said these things because they feared the Jews, for the Jews had already agreed that if anyone should confess Jesus to be Christ, he was to be put out of the synagogue.) Therefore his parents said, “He is of age; ask him.”
"We don't believe you." 
That is the gist of what the Pharisees told him. We don't believe you so we want your parents to tell us the truth. Now his parents, who were already afraid of being excommunicated from the synagogue, were brought in. Excommunication didn't mean they just went to find another church home, found another pastor to follow or they fit in somewhere else. It meant totally exclusion from the Jewish lifestyle. Anathema means to cut off, cast out, put under ban. Pharisees were supposed to enforce religious and ethical discipline, to keep the people appearing as "a congregation of the Lord." This is what the parents were afraid of. The power was there to cut these people off from the lives that they knew and cast them out of fellowship with other Jews-either for a time or permanently. The confirmed what little they could without compromising the truth. 1-This was their son. 2-Yes, he was born blind. 3-He is old enough to care for himself, ask him any other questions because we weren't there to know for sure. One of the most exciting times of these parents lives-their son was healed- and they had to spend the time afraid instead of worshiping and thanking God. They didn't stand up for Jesus out of fear. Their desire to be included was greater than the desire for God. Isn't that so often our desire? We want to be loved, included in things so much that when the hard things come up, instead of standing for Jesus we buckle under the pressure? We want other people's approval so much that when God has given a clear "Do this. This is where I want you, this is what I want you to do" we say, "Well, I don't know...its really hard...I really want these people to like me instead." The path that Jesus would have us follow is not easy. Sometimes the things he wants us to do or say to people is hard because it causes rejection. Even by the people who are supposed to know it, live it and teach it. Even by the community that calls themselves followers of God. Have strength, disciple, God will lead you, if your desire is Him alone.
 
    So for the second time they called the man who had been blind and said to him, “Give glory to God. We know that this man is a sinner.” He answered, “Whether he is a sinner I do not know. One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see.” They said to him, “What did he do to you? How did he open your eyes?” He answered them, “I have told you already, and you would not listen. Why do you want to hear it again? Do you also want to become his disciples?” And they reviled him, saying, “You are his disciple, but we are disciples of Moses. We know that God has spoken to Moses, but as for this man, we do not know where he comes from.” The man answered, “Why, this is an amazing thing! You do not know where he comes from, and yet he opened my eyes. We know that God does not listen to sinners, but if anyone is a worshiper of God and does his will, God listens to him. Never since the world began has it been heard that anyone opened the eyes of a man born blind. If this man were not from God, he could do nothing.” They answered him, “You were born in utter sin, and would you teach us?” And they cast him out.
Do you get the feeling they are trying to get him to either recant, change his story or catch him lying? That's the great thing about the truth, you don't have to have a great memory. The Not-So-Blind man makes it clear. He doesn't know Jesus, doesn't know if he is a sinner but DOES know his blindness is healed. He asks if they want to be disciples too implying that he does want to be a disciple of Jesus, even if that means he will be sent out of the synagogue. The Pharisees are so staunch about their following Moses-the law-and that God spoke to Moses but they don't know Jesus. How can they not know where Jesus came from? The man is appalled! He understands that the only way for this to have happened is that Jesus was sent from God, that even by what the Pharisees believe you cannot be a sinner and have God listen to you so this miracle HAS to be from God. We know that God listens to sinners. He wants them to turn to Him. Once we do that, we are no longer sinners. Do we still sin? Yes, because we are not perfect but it means that when we see the clear choice, our deeper desire is more and more God's way not our own. We are teachable, understanding that our knowledge of God comes from Him and that needs to be able to change with what is taught, given to us by our relationship and His Word. We can't put God into a little box the way the Pharisees did and throw away everything outside of it. We may be throwing away something special-the Pharisees threw away Jesus.

    Jesus heard that they had cast him out, and having found him he said, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?” He answered, “And who is he, sir, that I may believe in him?” Jesus said to him, “You have seen him, and it is he who is speaking to you.” He said, “Lord, I believe,” and he worshiped him. Jesus said, “For judgment I came into this world, that those who do not see may see, and those who see may become blind.” Some of the Pharisees near him heard these things, and said to him, “Are we also blind?” Jesus said to them, “If you were blind, you would have no guilt; but now that you say, ‘We see,’ your guilt remains.
Here is the best part of the story. The man desired Jesus. He wanted to follow him, seeing Jesus as a true follower of God, and Jesus found him. Then Jesus reveals to this poor blind man, excommunicated from the church, a rebel WHO HE IS! The mans response? Worship. That should be our response to every miracle, showing of God's power in our lives every day. Constant worship. How strong would our relationship with Him be if our response in every situation was to worship? In all things worship and love God. Constant communication. How much He would change our lives for His Glory if we would just submit in all things to His Will. Those who could not see before, can truly see Jesus for who he is but those who claim they know-that they see-are blinded by their knowledge. Our KNOWLEDGE of God gets us into trouble if we do not pair it with WISDOM. Knowing the Truth does not save you. Seeing Jesus for who he was, accepting the FREE gift of Grace that God has given through His Son's sacrifice and desiring God's ways above your own as a result of that realization-that is Salvation. Not everyone will get there. Not everyone who claims they have will be saved because we have watered down the Truth so much to appease everyone. Jesus didn't change the Truth. It has always been the Truth. Its rough, its challenges and it makes you change if you follow it. This being the end of the year, a time for reflection, look back over the year. What has God been challenging you on? Are you turning a "blind eye" as the Pharisees? Or are you embracing the pain of removing the "old you" for the Glory of God? If God has not been challenging you, nothing you read in the bible has made you think about or concerned for the way you live, you are not listening. 

Listen. He wants you to know and grow. 

 

Russia: The Long Version Part 1

Wow, it's been a month since I have been back and things have been crazy. It's been hard to process everything that happened there trying to get everything organized here for the school year.
I'll start with before the trip. Getting prepped to go was very interesting. I felt like I couldn't be prepared enough and I just had to learn to rely on God for most everything day-to-day. Quite humbling to recognize that I couldn't manage things on my own, that I needed help and support for others. I really had to rely on God for the smallest of things. I also saw how much I needed others to come along side of me for support. My attitude was definitely causing problems with that area. I didn't like that I wasn't "good" enough and I blamed others for my failing instead of reaching out to people for help. I thank God that I have been blessed with people more forgiving than I am as friends and that He showed me where I needed change on my end, that I needed to be more flexible, accepting and less critical.  The trip that I initially signed up for, to Kursk and then to Saratov, were not where God had planned for me apparently. A couple of weeks before I left, I was asked if I could go to Belgorod region for the second week. Of course I was willing! Even excited to go! Wherever the need was greatest, God was going to send His people! Within the last week before the trip to New York, I was asked if I could go to Belgorod for the entire trip! Wow! I was a little more nervous that the trip I was preparing for was not the one I was going to be going to but I trusted that God knew what He was doing. Our visas came, very late and close to the wire, we did have to reschedule a little because of that (flight issues) but eventually we all made it safely to Moscow and then to our respective regions (Kursk and Belgorod) after a short (it seemed) training day in New York.

 I really wanted to work with kids because that is where I am comfortable and, though I did work with some kids while in Belgorod, the majority of the ministry was with adults. Talk about a new experience! We landed in Moscow and took a bus to drop off half the team in Kursk, about 8 hours from Moscow.  We stopped at a beautiful restaurant before Kursk. It had a gorgeous garden and paintings on the walls.

There were flowers EVERYWHERE!

                                                                                                           Gorgeous fountains!



Then another 3 or so to Belgorod, where we landed for the night at the 1st Baptist Church. The people were very friendly but it really felt heavy. Very dark, like there was something just off about Russia. The next morning we went to the 2nd Baptist church where we met the pastor and Victor (you will hear more about him later) and enjoyed dinner. It seemed like everywhere we went, we ate and had tea which was fine with me because I LOVE tea but you learn very quickly that you eat a little at a time or you will get full VERY FAST! Sunday we joined in the church service, getting to see how they do communion and listen to the service the best we could. Sunday afternoon we started BBQing for youth group that evening.

Elijah (Front) Luke, Brad, Vasily and Ray (Left to Right)



You should have heard them singing! Such beautiful voices!

Listening to the stories about how they came to faith was amazing. My heart still goes out to them, especially to Maya. Maya grew up in the Orthodox church never really knowing or understanding the gospel in Truth. One day, while laying on a beach in San Fransisco visiting the US, a couple of people walked up to her and shared their faith. She gave her life to Jesus that day and has never looked back. Since then she has been working with her youth group, travelling to different regions sharing about Jesus which in Russia can be dangerous.

Oh the questions! It seemed like no matter where we went, someone asked about politics. For me, this would have been a great topic to talk about, had we been allowed. We just reassured that God knows what He is doing and our job is to pray for our leaders and to fight for what Gods Word tells us to. There were also an abundance of questions about what the right behaviors were. Very few about Jesus. I tried to talk more about Jesus then about expected behavior. The behavior comes later but I think that "later" to many means after they have changed what they do. Similar to here. The "I have to get my life together" mentality for the Holy Spirit to take over. Out of my journal on Aug 5th: "The expectation seems like God can't change someone so quickly. They were surprised that God changed my life in less than 3 years and that He continues to change it all the time." My prayer is for the people of Belgorod and Russia as a whole to witness God. They need a miracle to trust Him. They need to see local people whose lives have been changed. Some need a burning bush moment.  

The 7th we travelled to Veluyky and met with another pastor after meeting a couple of team members and the Kursk team leader, Don, in Shebekano. In Veluyky, Ray and I met with a family, Katya's family, who were unbelievers. She was very interested and wanted to know more about what we were doing there and what the bible was about. Shared my story with her and why the bible and Jesus were so important. The next day we went to an orphanage and shared there. That was amazing and an answered prayer. The director was very nervous about letting us come because the previous director was fired for letting Americans come but the Lord answered that prayer and MUCH MORE! We were invited back during the school year when more kids would be there and not at "host homes" like during the summer. They want e3 to return when all the kids are there! God is so GREAT! Gods Power is amazing! Went to a church and shared. What a difference in this church compared to the one in Belgorod City! What a great group of women too! I had 2 of them sing a gypsy song for me and Ray that was just beautiful. They were very engaged and asked a lot of questions about the scripture, not about us! The Pastor was very hospitable and was excited about learning new ways to share the Truth. Thank you Lord and continue to bless pastor Peter and his ministry!
A few days later we travelled to Aleksavka by public transportation and met with a group of believers there. One, Anya, said she wasn't a believer because she hadn't been baptised yet. She was told that she didn't know enough yet to be baptised or to have the Holy Spirit enter her, or maybe the translation was off, and that she had to know more before she could be baptised. After some probing, she told me that she had been studying the bible (for years) and believed everything it said, even tried to follow it every day. I asked if she had put her faith in Christ, that through him we can be reconciled to God and have a relationship with Him. She said yes. I tried to explain to her that what she said, what she believed to be true, that she had chosen to do things God's way and accepted Christ, those things meant she WAS saved. We just prayed, LORD fill Anya with your Spirit! Her 2 little boys were amazingly receptive and excited about sharing with each other and all their friends. The older of the 2, Dima, who was 6, was very interested in the gospel and how to share it so I left them with a bunch of bracelets with the understanding that they can't get more without giving away the bracelet that they have on to another person that can tell the story back to them. Now it's a race!
 Now about Victor. Victor was our chaperon for most of the first 2 weeks. His story is one of major loss and redemption by Christ. An alcoholic, Victor's wife left. He started reading the bible to pass some time while he was drinking. Something began to happen. Slowly, he began to change. He didn't want to drink as much and eventually, not at all. He joined a bicycle ministry that travelled across Russia passing out bibles to people they met along the way. From Ukraine to East Coast. Amazing what God will do with those who choose Him. Victor is mostly deaf, though has a hearing aide that helps him to hear quite well in one ear. That is Victors main ministry, helping the deaf learn about Jesus and learn to read so that they can learn and teach about the bible themselves.  Victor's ministry is with the deaf, though not entirely. He also reaches out to those in need and is looking forward to another bicycle ministry if God allows it.
While in Aleksavka we also met with many women from the deaf ministry with Victor. One of the women there was not a believer and was actually not very happy we were there when we were having prayer and bible study before we started working. Until she found out I was American, then it was a very different story. Spent the day moving bricks and stacking them since they were unable to complete the building of their house because the finances aren't there. I believe her name was Svetlana but I cannot remember. I had a chance to talk to her a bit between work and she told me that she didn't want to go to church or join in bible study because she liked drinking Vodka and didn't want to have to stop. She was very interested in America though. Wanted me to bring her home with me. The day was full of tough work but I really enjoyed working with all of the women. It was a memory I will cherish always and I am very grateful that God put these women in His ministry choice for me.
Something from my journal Aug 11th: " People have a backward thinking about becoming a Christian here I think. They have to do all of these things FIRST, THEN God will accept them. I don't think many understand that being a follower doesn't mean you go to church, it doesn't mean you do everything right and it doesn't mean you are smart enough because God loves us. He doesn't care if we fellowship and study in a church building or in a house. If we did everything right, we wouldn't have needed Jesus to die to save us and God gives us the Spirit so that we have true wisdom and so that we have conviction to do what is right. Nothing WE can do will make us good enough. We just need to be obedient. The Spirit gives us the power and Jesus gives us the way to God's open arms! Its about peoples love for You and choosing to do things Your way, not our own!"
Over all, Russia was amazing and I hope God gives us the opportunity to go back. My heart goes out to a place that, except for the little light from the believers in the communities we visited, seems so dark, so heavy, so dead. I will forever pray for those in ministry there. For protection from evil, courage to stand upright in a twisted place and for continuing love, peace, joy and patience in becoming disciples for the Lord, Jesus Christ and the furthering of their ministries!

Another Russia Update

PRAISE THE LORD OF ALL PROVISION!

Praise the Lord!!! I am so very grateful for all of the donations, work efforts and praying gone into this trip!

As of Right this morning I am FULLY FUNDED!

Praise Him for all of His provision for this trip! LORD, Amen and ALL the GLORY to YOU!

I am still trying to learn Russian, at least a little before I leave but what a difficult language to learn! Prayers for at least a some retention would be very much appreciated! I know we have translators and that is wonderful but I would like to be able to tell my story to one person while I am there...

Plus, I am pretty sure I will be returning to Russia. Some time. My heart is moving already for a 2014 trip. :)

Russia~Update

$3951! I am $1049 away from being fully funded for this trip! I am so excited, appreciative and nervous for this trip. It is something very new for me to share with people, adults, my experiences since I have given my life to Christ and am dedicating my life to God's Will. I'm so grateful to the people who have helped to send me to Russia. From as little as $10 (which is a lot of money to a lot of people in this economy) this trip is being made possible and I am SO thankful to the people who have listened to God's prompting for this trip. I am also very thankful to the people that have helped out in other ways like helping with Grace while I am out of town, whether is be to house sit, work or even on the trip itself! I am 20 days away from the deadline for the financing for this trip. that's $52.45 a day if I can raise a little each day. This may be a little more difficult done than said since I will be in Washington for the next 13 days. If you have a desire to give, click here and help me raise that $52 each day...even if you can "only" do $10 or even $5! You'd be surprised how every little bit adds up! 

The next 13 days are very crucial to me spiritually. I will be spending most of it praying, studying, meditating and trying to prepare myself for this trip. I will be alone for most of the time (visiting a little while I am in my old hometown) just trying to get closer to God and trying to figure out His desire for me during this trip, what He wants me to share and how to best give Him glory for the way He has changed my life. Some of you know my history, even a little, and its very easy to slip into how I DID IT, how I changed myself instead of what an amazing transformation God has done in me. It is HIS change in me, not by my own power but by the power of an amazing God that has never forgotten about me. 

If you want to keep following what we need prayer for in Russia, there is an open group Prayer for Russia on Facebook. I will be posting a list of personal prayer needs regularly for my prayer warrior friends out there :) Here is a short list now:

Dedication to God would be first and foremost

Prayer would be consistent

STUDY, STUDY , STUDY~ You can't share the Truth if you don't KNOW the Truth

Boldness! 

Peace for my family and ease in the transition from me being here full time~They are fully supporting this decision and are just as excited but it does throw a few things off :)

Thank you in advance! Praise to God and His Glory be shown! I am looking forward to the miracles to be seen in Russia and HERE for the love and dedication of the e3 team that is being sent! 

Lord, Thank You for this opportunity! We are grateful to be answering this call and prayer for more people to enter the mission field. As long as one person has not heard the gospel once, people show be considering it a personal mission to share Your message! I pray that we~~ as parents, teachers, missionaries and pastors~~ would be raising up a generation of children ready to take up the call to share the gospel to EVERYONE in the world! Praise you Lord! Your Glory Reign Forever and Ever!

 

Russia-Aug 1st Departure

Oh Wow!! It seems like its so far away and yet so close. Our flights depart on Aug 1st for a pre-trip training, fellowship and prayer time in whatever city we are departing from (looking at the flights available, most likely Chicago or D.C.) and Aug 2nd for Russia. 

Very nervous about flying. I know I shouldn't be because God has this covered, too, I am just not a very good flyer. When we went to Guatemala last year, the whole flight was a white knuckle experience for me. Prayer for comfort in flying would be great :-) 

I'm not as disquieted about actually being there and talking to people. That may come later but I really am grateful for the opportunity to go and speak to people about the Lord and about what Jesus has done. I am even more appreciative for the 'training' God has given me by my draw to lead a bible study. I LOVE the Word and I LOVE talking about the Word.

Fundraising Update: I have hit $3000!!!! Well, as soon as all the checks I have mailed in post anyway! Praise The LORD!!!! He is provider and His Promises are Faithful! I will be holding a fundraiser soon at our church with some delicious Russian desserts to help with raising the remainder. It will be $5 a person to sample a little of each dessert (and I will have 1 or 2 American desserts for children who are not so interested in trying new things) and I will be selling each set of treats as well! I will post a list of those shortly with a description of each if you would like to pre-order something and guarantee that I make enough! It is also possible that I may ship some, if so desired :-) I am pretty flexible so don't hesitate to ask for something to be done differently or to make special, even if it isn't on the list of goodies! 


A huge THANK YOU to everyone who has committed to prayer and to those who have supported me financially for this trip! We are almost there and FOR GOD'S GLORY we will MAKE IT!! If you have any questions, please let me know! 


If the Lord is pulling you to give, you may do so HERE! 


PRAISE YOU LORD FOR YOUR GREATNESS AND LOVE SHOWS NO BOUNDS! THANK YOU FOR YOUR PROVISION AND FOR THE DEDICATION OF THOSE COMMITTED TO YOUR WORK! AMEN!!

The Lord is AMAZING!

Well, DUH! As if we didn't already know that right? It is so awesome (and therefore, so much like our God) to use things that we are doing, things we have done and things we were obedient to listening to or following to His Glory.

The Lord called me to facilitate a bible study at the Yamhill County Gospel Rescue Mission last year. After our mission trip to Guatemala, I stopped. Many things came up and, honestly, I just didn't want to do it any more. I was too tired to obey. Then I get a call a few months back asking if I could come back. "Sure" and I started again but this time was obviously different. I started by praying that the Holy Spirit would take over. Guess what? HE DID! If you live in the area, you can drop in and see how studying the Word can change lives! I have a new passion for my bible, bible study and just talking about the Word of God. Today, I was talking to my team leader for my upcoming Russia mission trip (see here) about what we are going to be doing. A big part of this is facilitating discussions for "home churches" (bible studies focused directly on the bible and what we read) and how to open up dialog with open questions to everyone, whether a believer or not! How COOL is that?! What I have been doing at the mission, empowered by God and (most of the time...though not always) lead by the Spirit, is exactly what we are doing in Russia with Best Life Fellowships!

He is always faithful to answer the prayers of those who follow Him. Whether or not we are listening because the answer may not be what we want to hear, is up to us. He asks us to be radical in our obedience. This is not beyond us. The Holy Spirit is there to enable us to go further than we believe or sometimes want to believe. Let Him guide you and your steps will be sure.

Father God, You are amazing! You are wonderful and forever I will sing your praises! I doubt what you want me to do sometimes. Help me with that. Give me Your Spirit so that my faith and my devotion are unwavering for You. Thank you for teaching me how to teach others. Please Lord keep using me for Your Good! Even if I don't "like" it sometimes because Your Good is so much better than my great!

Russia

The time is nearing. I have less than 30 days to raise half of the money to make it to Russia with E3 Ministries. I have accepted that I may not be going but I still know God is amazing and He can make anything a reality. This may not be the right time to go but I will continue trying. This may not be the right time but eventually it will be His right timing. I am not giving up. There are far too many people in this world that do not know the Father, what He did for us through His Son and that He gives a part of Himself to us to live IN US with the Holy Spirit. I know God will use me in His perfect time, for His perfect Will. Its not about what God is going to use ME for but what Glory HE gets by showing His GREATNESS.

There are some spiritual "gloom" days after arriving that I need to be prepared for. I hope for continued prayers and a lifting up of the spirits of everyone on this team. God is great!

Lord, I am far from perfect but You are not. I thank you for the opportunity to try. The lessons I have learned through this are amazing and are helping me to walk the way You want me to. Let me walk in Your footprints, not separate from. Amen!

If you would like to help send me to Russia (or help on a future trip if that is what the Lord has for me) please feel free to donate here! Thank you!

Bible Study With My Daughter

Let me start off this by saying, I absolutely LOVE the book of Acts. It is so full of truths, principles to live by, promises from God, courage and strength. I have been going to BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) since September (I think) and getting to know Acts all over again after our church preached the book last year. I am getting so much out of the study, especially with the highlights, questions and lectures, and growing so much closer to the Lord. Seeing how He has been changing my heart, where He is focusing my attention and correcting my behavior is just, well, I would say amazing but really it's just, God.   

Yes, yes the title of this is Bible Study With My Daughter :) I am getting there. 

One of the things God has placed so deeply on my heart, as you may have seen from previous posts, are children. I absolutely LOVE kids. I truly believe they are our future and that if you "train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6) but what I was noticing was that I was spending a great deal of time training up OTHER kids. Between bible study once a month and Sunday School twice a month, I felt I was always "preparing" for a lesson but I was not teaching at home. Quite a bit of MY bible study time felt rushed, was done in the evenings after Grace went to bed and she never saw me doing it. What she was seeing is that I was rushing to get it done or talking about rushing around to finish it before BSF started. That doesn't sound like I was really teaching her the right way, does it? "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ." (1 Corinthians 11:1) 

My daughter, Grace, is homeschooled. By many blessings of the Lord, we are able to do this. He has provided an amazing program through the school that allows us to be able to afford the cost more easily with the availability to have her in extracurricular activities. The Lord laid on my heart to teach Grace from home long before I had the ability and my wonderful husband has always been so supportive of this idea. Without whom (also a blessing, he is) I would not be able to keep the sanity and perseverance to continue on some days. As I would prepare her school lesson for the day, bible study always got swept under the rug. There was too much to do, too many assignments and reports, too many projects and we just didn't have time to add one more. Then a few weeks ago, I cam across this verse (??randomly??) "Teach them to your children, talking about them when you are sitting at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." (Deuteronomy 11:19) OUCH! Too important to miss and yet I was showing her that these ideals were SO IMPORTANT that I was SHOVING THEM AWAY! I mean, we were reinforcing Sunday school...right? Well, sometimes. What about bible study...? Ohhh, nope. Just kind of got swept under the rug...

Let's just say, I think I got the full wake up call when I got a "Daily Devotional for Homeschoolers" the next day. Matthew 18:6-7 " “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come!" Was I causing my little one to stumble? YES! By showing her that God came SECOND and not FIRST. 

 WHAT A BLESSING this bible study is, done through a child's eyes! We started a "Wall of Faith" as we go through the study of Acts (yes, just like BSF, they have a "family guide" for discussion at home and we use that as our guide...sort of, with lots of twists and turns along the way) where we have different cut out shapes like hands for prayers or verses on prayer, a bible or book for verses on studying, a lamb for verses about Jesus, a lion for verses about being strong or courageous, a dove for promises (and OH MY there are a LOT of those) and probably one of my favorites, little crosses for things special we want to remember, principles-truths-ways to live. I think I am getting at least as much out of this study as I am at the women's study. There is something special to see when you are looking at scripture through unconditionally loving eyes. Its not important to see the Lord through a child's eyes, right? "And he said: 'Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.'" (Matthew 18:3-4) 

Take the time for bible study. It is the single most important part of the day for you and your children. Not only will they be brought up in the ways of the Lord but you would be surprised at what you will learn from your children about love, correction and looking on the "glass half full" side of things. We look at Stephen in Acts 7 and say "Poor guy, he was stoned." My daughter looked at Stephen and said "He got to see GOD AND JESUS." I think I want a heart like hers...

Lord, Thank you for the blessings that you have given me in the areas of my life that I sometimes see as a burden. Help me see things for what they are and prioritize according to YOUR desire. Help give me the strength to continue when it seems my schedule is too full for YOU and to put You first not just for my, Lord, but for my daughter as well. Everything I desire to give to You, including my time and my priority. Academics come only after the real teaching is done! 

Proverbs 1

What jewels of wisdom!

Proverbs is a wonderful book to go through "For gaining wisdom and instruction; for understanding words of insight; for receiving instruction in prudent behavior, doing what is right and just and fair; for giving prudence to those who are simple, knowledge and discretion to the young" (Proverbs 1:2-4) What I love about this verse is that, to God especially, we are ALL YOUNG, we can all have more knowledge (and frankly, many of us crave that knowledge) and use more discretion! Thank you, Lord, for wisdom!

The first thing that was pointed out to me is that knowledge and wisdom are two really different things. You can have much knowledge, continue to gain knowledge and be completely self-taught but without wisdom. Knowledge is something you work for and is gained by circumstances or books, the theoretical, practical understanding of a subject.. Wisdom is something that you gain from God, from the insight that you are given about what is true, right and just. You can be knowledgeable or "smart" and have no wisdom. You, however, cannot be wise and have no knowledge because the wisdom is given WITH knowledge. 

Proverbs 1 really makes me feel like this is (and I fully believe it should be) a parents legacy. You can tell by reading it that Solomon is trying (if not desperately) to reach his children about the most important things to him. It's for ALL people, not for just a few in the "old days," everywhere and in any time. There is nothing that I have read so far that is "anti" anything, except foolishness and sin. If you want to obtain the closest relationship to the Lord by way of prayer and meditation, fasting, forgiveness, obedience and surrender then Proverbs may be the right book to read right now! This particular chapter is one of warning. Parents be careful what you teach because your children will follow (and we all know the best way to teach is by example, Prov. 1:8-9) and to be careful of sinful seduction (anything that will pull you away from God, Prov 1:10-19.) Wisdom is readily available for all people, you don't have to be a scholar. Proverbs 1:20-21 wisdom is calling out for everyone. To those who want to find her, she is there calling. Following up with repentance and turning from sin. You cannot be wise and willingly follow sin! If you repent wisdom will "make [her] teachings known to you" (Prov 1:23b) If you turn from wisdom, choose to take another path, then wisdom will leave you unprepared. You will eventually get to see what the consequences of choosing not to be wise in your life. Can you see the contrast of a false security over the lasting peace of God?

In this day and age, we don't need to have wisdom. It is so much easier to look for the answer that suits us, find people who believe as we do and have our lives and fellowship with them. If we look at Acts 27:13, they felt they had the "go ahead" because they got a little head wind. Wisdom would have been what Paul said to them "You should not have sailed from Crete as I had said" (Acts 27:22) Wisdom is knowing the RIGHT answer not the best one for the moment!

Father, THANK YOU and PRAISE YOU for the direction and the wisdom You have given to the people in my life that I get to glean wisdom from. I pray that more would seek You, want to know You and most importantly, Lord, that they would want to have a little of Your wisdom. Thank you for Your Son always and for the death He suffered for all of us. AMEN

Exodus

It amazes me how in the story of the Exodus, after God saved the people through Moses and led them out of Egypt, the Israelites worshiped a calf they created out of gold. They had just witnessed first hand the power of the Almighty God and they still turned away from Him! People often do that today also.We see something as supernatural or a miracle, something good or bad, and we see it as a "magic" (something that is just unexplained) or as "karma" (something that someone did to "deserve") but how often are we looking at the blessing inside? That it is God at work? Some people would rather think it is aliens that can tap into your brain than to think it is an all powerful God that is in control. 

And oh my goodness! How detailed the instructions for the Ark of the covenant! If He always gave us instruction that clearly, how much easier would it be to follow and how much easier that would make things for us but then would we need to or feel the need to need Him so much? What faith would we need then? Even Moses was more afraid of denial and embarrassment because "Moses said to the LORD, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”(Exodus 4:10) Moses was given CLEAR and PRECISE direction from God and He questioned the most Holy One that created everything, destroyed almost all of the world once already and then Sodom and Gomorrah. Our God is amazing! He gives us the clearest direction we have without actually sitting down for a cup of coffee with us. We have the bible! We have an entire book filled with His direction, guidance, love, compassion and plan for our lives. It is readily available to anyone who needs one. Even if you don't go to church, don't like "Christians," ect. you cannot deny what is written in the bible...it is the moral compass for the world. Do we demand so much in our daily business, forgetting that it was He who gave us our life?

Lord, I thank you for who you are and I pray that I would remember that it is You who give me everything I do. Please help me to remember you in all that I do! 

PSALM 40

If you get a chance to read all of Psalm 40 I would recommend doing so but, for the purpose of this blog, I want to talk about what verses 11-17 are focusing on:

¹¹ Do not withhold your mercy from me, LORD; may your love and faithfulness always protect me.
¹² For troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me.
¹³ Be pleased to save me, LORD; come quickly, LORD, to help me. 

¹⁴ May all who want to take my life be put to shame and confusion; may all who desire my ruin be turned back in disgrace.
¹⁵ May those who say to me, “Aha! Aha!” be appalled at their own shame.¹⁶ But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who long for your saving help always say, “The LORD is great!” 

¹⁷ But as for me, I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my deliverer; you are my God, do not delay.

What a humbling way to look! May YOUR love and truth protect me. Our sins are so great in number that it is being compared to the number of hairs on our heads. How overwhelming! To know that sin will be apart of my life until He returns, exhausting! To know that He has made it possible to not have to be a slave to this sin, REDEEMING! 

Those who say 'Aha'......may I not be one of those anymore! Your sin doesn't make mine any less and where we should be comforting, loving and helping each other we say "OOOOOHHHHHH! Look at so-and-so! Can you believe that?" Why do we point out shame? Why do we not comfort the disgraced? The sin is to be exposed but we are supposed to be loving and take care of someone BRAVE and STRONG enough to be honest about their "disgraces" and rejoice and be glad in He who can fix anything!

We all have areas in our lives that Christ's love needs to fix. We are ALL poor and needy. When Christ said to the Pharisees "It is not the healthy who need a doctor but the sick" (Matt 9:12) think about this question: Are you acting like you know you're sick....? Or do you really know you NEED Jesus? "You are my help and my deliverer; Oh my God do not delay" 

 

God's Love

¹⁴ For this reason I kneel before the Father, ¹⁵ from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. ¹⁶ I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
 ²⁰ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Ephesians 3:14-21 NIV

I love how this verse encompasses so many aspect of God. A love so deep that we cannot even understand. After all of the "I did THAT?" After all the shame. With all the hiding, the fear and the not letting go.
God, OUR FATHER AND LORD, says to a broken and binded soul, "I am here. I have always been here. I am never leaving, I am never letting go. I will never lie to you. I will never hurt you. I will never make you feel ashamed or guilty for what you do for me, in My Name. I am love.. I am the love that you have been looking for everywhere else and cannot find. Follow me and I will heal you and you will be mine."

Out of all of the "love" I have ever had in my life, I don't think anything have made me feel completely guilt-free though my marriage is very close I still feel guilty about things sometimes.) God's love is the only one that is completely unconditional and guiltless. The only time I feel guilty about God's love is when I am refusing to let it shine into my life. I never have to worry about what He has up His sleeve, His motivations, His intentions or what I have to do to "earn" His love (or more of it for that matter.) If I love Him, truly and with all of my heart, I will want to follow Him wherever He leads me. I never have to be afraid that He will leave me or that I am not doing enough to make Him happy as long as I love Him, obey Him and submit to Him. There is a willingness in submission. You are not "forced" into submission. Submission is an act of love and total trust for a Christian. I know God loves me enough to let Him take hold of every aspect of my life and make it His without a fight.

Am I truly being an obedient Christian in every aspect of my life? I don't think I am but I know I want to be!

Lord, I want to be obedient and submit to Your power and see Your Awesome Light in my life. Show me how to obey you. Give me the strength to do what You Will not what I want to or think is the "right" way to do things. I think I want to but show me how I NEED to. Remind me of Your Love. Your AMAZING and GLORIOUS Love. The only true love in all of Your creation. Amen!

My Testimony

I grew up in Salem, OR a household that was non religious. More than that it was anti-religious. God was a “higher power” that was changed to suit what was needed if He was even there at all. I went through a very rough childhood with emotional and physical abuse, an even rougher time as a teenager with more than 5 years of serious and daily drug addiction. Trust was just not something you gave and I learned to only rely on myself for everything. I had no real idea what love was though I thought I knew.

When I came to church with Matt (my now husband) that first Sunday, November 29^th 2009, I didn’t really expect anything special. I had been to church off and on for the previous 3 or 4 years but mostly it was for my daughter. I always believed in God, that He was there but I just wasn’t one He was there for, I guess but I wanted her to know Him and to make up her own choice about Him. I don’t know how much of the pastor's message I actually heard, I was zoning in and out (sorry Randy) but then something truly by His Glory happened. I heard “He loves you.” I don’t even know if that’s what he said that day but that’s all I heard. I cried. Something in me changed that day, Jesus changed me, and gratefully, He still is changing me. I walked away from here that day truly new, cleansed b y th eblood of Jesus and different.  I didn’t understand why or how He could love ME after everything I had done but somehow I knew He did.

The next few months were very hard. Learning that I could trust the Lord for things that I previously had to do myself and to break down the walls that I built up through so many years of pain, self loathing and worthlessness hurt. I spent a lot of time crying and uncovering things that I had buried but it was pealing back the layers around my heart. I was raw all the time. When I got through the trust issues and began relying on God, He convicted me about my behavior and the way I was acting and the way I addressed my life. It dug up a lot of shame about things I did but mostly it allowed me to SAY I was ashamed. To admit that I was putting on a mask to cover the way I really felt. I remember a conversation I had with my mom in March last year when I told her I was ashamed of being a divorcee. I was embarrassed. I will never forget her response. She said “I don’t like what going to church has done to you. You were never embarrassed before so why now? They are brainwashing you. You’re different and I don’t like it” Coming from a self-professed pagan, I don’t think I had ever been more proud that God had chosen me. I am glad that God has changed me. I’m glad He is continuing to change me and that I want to change more. I know true, unconditional love and now that I know what it is, can feel it with all of my soul, I can love others. I understand now why my Aunt (who is a Christian) has never given up praying for our family and talking about God with us. When you KNOW the truth you want to tell everyone and show everyone with the changes in your life. When I expose my past, it amazes me that people don’t say “Oh yea I kind of guessed that” anymore. They are shocked because of how God changed me.

When I gave up trying to do everything on my own, trusted God to lead me, started relying on prayer and opened my life to Him and to growth in Him, my everything changed. My worth is in Him alone and nothing could take away my faith in Him. I want to love people the way Christ did, hold nothing back from Him and always being open to move the way He wants me to. Blind faith doesn’t mean not making plans, it means making Him the center of the plan and building up from there. If things don’t go my way, I know they are going His. The more I let go of self-reliance, control, self-sustainment and give God the control, the more I let go of and make Him the center of my life, the more I receive in my heart.

Following the promtping of the Holy Spirit, I started volunteering in the nursery at my church. What a blessing that has been! I am now the Nursery Coordinator (which really is a fancy title for saying that I plan the schedule and make sure snacks are stocked) and teach Sunday School for the K-2nd Grade class twice a month. Children have been placed so firmly into my heart that I know it is part of my responibility to show them the love Christ has for them by way of loving instruction. "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6) Because of the miracles He has done in my life, He has opened my eyes to see the constant working in and changing of my life and the lives of those around me. Our God is truly an AWESOME God.

TO my LORD:

I can trust You in all that I do for You.

I can be scared but I don’t have to let that stop what you want me to do

 I can know that if I have faith and follow You Nothing can stop me

I can feel unworthy but that won’t stop me from who You want me to be.

You are more than I can fathom and dare to understand

You are the Creator, the builder of water, air and land

You are the binder and the rebuilder of my heart

You are the one who can heal and tear me apart

Thank you Lord that I have been cleaned

Thank you Lord that things weren’t what they seemed

Thank you Lord for everything you have given

Thank you Lord for Jesus whom me is alive in