Hinderances

In my womens group at church we are going through Beth Moore's Breaking Free study. What an eye opening group. I would really recommend going through it if you get the chance but please, don't do it alone. You will get so much more out of it if you at least have a sounding board to bounce things off of. Feel free to email if you'd like...I don't mind :)

Going through the second week (and this is not a question out of that week) I starting asking what things are keeping me from having a closer relationship with God? What is keeping me captive? The definition of captivity in the study is A Christian being held by anything that hinders the abundant and effective Spirit-filled life that God has planned. So I asked myself this: What is hindering me from having the abundant and effective Spirit-filled life that God has planned for me? Here is what I came up with and I will add to the list (as I grow I'm sure things will go away and new things come up) as needed.

My feeling of worthlessness. I KNOW God does love me but sometimes I can't understand HOW He can love me after all of the things I have done and all of the sin I have committed. Like the woman who see herself as a big spot on a white dress. It's doubt from mistreatment and manipulation early in life, from societies idea of Karma (when is the bad going to catch up to me and make me pay for the mistakes I have made in the past-which is not only NOT biblical but completely takes the need for Jesus out of society) and the idea of God punishing the wicked. I KNOW I have Jesus as my Savior, I believe He died to carry the burden of my sin and stand in front of me as my defender against God, the Father's wrath and disgust of my sin but the doubt of my salvation sometimes creeps in because I am SO UNWORTHY of Him.

Societial thinking. The scale theory of I'm not that bad-I have done (or am doing) more good than bad-God loves everyone so I'm sure He'll forgive me if I'm trying to do the right thing. God is a warm and fuzzy, not someone to fear. God is mighty and jealous according to scripture. He doesn't like to fight for our affection. I'm doing my best isn't good enough. He knew our best wouldn't be good enough that's why He sent His son. Jesus is our only good enough.

My way. I want to do everything in Gods plan but I want to do it my way because Your way is harder, more time consuming (don't You know I'm busy?) and requires more effort on a consistent basis. So, God, this is my plan can you just bless my plan? It's a good plan full of helping people, doing good deeds, spreading your word and teaching people about You and Your Son. Can't You just bless my plan? But it's not about MY plan. If it's my plan who gets the glory if it suceeds? I do. Not God. Who deserves all the Glory for All Things? Not me. God. Praying and asking for guidance are the best ways to ask for His plan for me but I have to listen and put my plan away. It's all about His plan. However big or small my part is, I need to be grateful of the part He allows me to play in His plan.

It all comes down to me. I am the hinderance in my relationship with God. When I start thinking I'm more (OR LESS) important than I am, the issues start happening. Any flaws there are, because He is perfect, have to be on my end. I will keep praying for closeness with Him and for Him to reveal any obstacles that I have placed in the way of Him and I Love you dearly.
God is my life and He is in mine. If you don't like it, ask yourself why and be honest when you answer.