Staying Faithful

The hardest part of walking with God is staying faithful. Walking with God takes a tremendous amount of dedication and faith. To walk with Him when things are tough and you need someone to rely on, trusting that He is there. To walk with Him when things are easier and life is good, rejoicing and sharing in your abundance. 

When things are not so good, when the road ahead seems never ending, is it easier to cry out to God, holding onto Him for your strength? Or is it easier to rely on yourself or your spouse? I find it hard to rely on God in times of need. I often feel like things "aren't that bad" (I mean, I don't have cancer, I'm not starving or homeless) so God has more important things to do than waste His time on me. I feel like I SHOULD be thankful. I SHOULD be praising HIM. I SHOULD be okay in my circumstances. 

And there must be something wrong with me if I'm not. 

Because look at how blessed I am. 

Isn't that the response we often get, though however well-meaning? "Oh honey, but look at how BLESSED you are! Just count your BLESSINGS! Look at how many BLESSINGS God has given you!" And I DO have a lot to be grateful for but that doesn't mean I don't still have pain or worry about the future or want better for my family. It doesn't mean I don't get angry at perceived injustice or depressed that I'm not as good as so-and-so or sad that I don't provide enough. I WANT to rely on God during these times but often I find myself putting distance between that relationship. Why should a Holy God, worry about little ol me? Especially when little ol me is perfectly capable of taking care of herself? Isn't is selfish of me to want God's attention in all that He has blessed me with?

And when things are going well? Imagine those feelings times 10! 

I really think I know the direction God wants me to go in but I don't think I am faithful enough. I don't know why He would call me to do what I think He is calling me to do, knowing how much I struggle with being faithful to Him all the time. I forget to read my bible, or I just intentionally "don't have time." I don't pray or when I do it seems so superficial. I question if God is really pushing me in a particular direction even when He moved me across the country to be able to focus on it. I am a poor example of a Christian woman. I get angry, irritated and have little patience. I know where my "spiritual gifts" are but am too afraid to use them. 

And yet, I take one more step. 

My Journey Through the Law

This is where I am called today. Do I not recognize the significance of what Christ has done for me? Do I not understand, in the comfort of my life, what the punishment for my sins is? 

Sometimes as Americans, I think we deeply miss the higher calling God has placed on us because of our "blessings." We miss the dependence of suffering, the comfort of the hurt, the lifting of the humble, the filling of the empty, the release in forgiveness, the delight in the Holy, the calm in the storm. In essence, we miss seeing God. We don't fully recognize our destitution and need for saving because we don't "need" for so much. 

We often look to outsiders (read: nonbelievers) and can say with certainty who is and is not going to hell. Is that our job? More and more in my short life, I am noticing that the Old Testament was not really a prescription to show others their wrongdoing but for us to see where our issues and shortcomings are. Why do we use God's Word as a weapon? The consistent picture that we are shown is how we are supposed to be the "city on a hill" and the "salt" and "light" of the earth. Are we pulling people to Christ with our actions? Are we showing the world we are different? I think not. 

My desire is to get back to the HEART of the problem. The HEART that is the problem. We often say "let Jesus into your heart" but do we ever let him out? Until I recognize the magnitude of the Holy Sacrifice Jesus made for me, what comes out will not be holy. 

Matthew 5:1-20 ESV

And seeing the multitudes, He went up on a mountain, and when He was seated His disciples came to Him.

Then He opened His mouth and taught them, saying:

"Blessed [are] the poor in spirit, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed [are] those who mourn, For they shall be comforted.

Blessed [are] the meek, For they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed [are] those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, For they shall be filled.

Blessed [are] the merciful, For they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed [are] the pure in heart, For they shall see God.

Blessed [are] the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God.

Blessed [are] those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

"Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake.

"Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great [is] your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

"You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men.

"You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden.

"Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all [who are] in the house.

"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.

"Do not think that I came to destroy the Law or the Prophets. I did not come to destroy but to fulfill.

"For assuredly, I say to you, till heaven and earth pass away, one jot or one tittle will by no means pass from the law till all is fulfilled.

"Whoever therefore breaks one of the least of these commandments, and teaches men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever does and teaches [them], he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.

"For I say to you, that unless your righteousness exceeds [the righteousness] of the scribes and Pharisees, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven."



All those BLESSINGS. You know what I don't see? 

Blessed are those who want for nothing. 
Blessed are those who are comfortable. 
Blessed are those who own the earth.
Blessed are those who have their fill.
Blessed are the ones who don't need anything from anyone.
Blessed are the ones who think they are gods.
Blessed are the ones who fight for what they "need."
Blessed are the ones who are trying to make themselves a heaven on earth. 

It doesn't mean we SHOULDN'T be happy with what we have but I think it's a lot easier to sweep aside God when "He has blessed us with so much (that we really don't need Him anymore.)"

In suffering, we often find Him. We become closer to Him. How do we maintain that closeness when we become less "needy?" This is my goal. In viewing the law that God gave to Moses, I hope to see more clearly what I was saved FROM so I can see what I was saved FOR. A clearer picture of God's plan and design for life.

I would appreciate prayers during this journey.